Many of my clients now know that I am suffering with kidney failure. I say suffering, and I struggle using that word because I am proud and determined and this is a word I least like to identify with. But there are days when I truly do suffer. Feeling utterly fatigued, my body aches to the point that I struggle to do anything. It’s at these times that I feel I no longer have ownership over my body, and my brain almost seems to disconnect from the painful being that is holding it back. There are other days when I am absolutely fine and I work, clean, socialise and do way too much, just because I don’t know how long I will feel well. Its fair to say that I cherish these days.
I have been in end stage kidney failure for 2 years now and have been successful (so far) in avoiding dialysis. I am awaiting the call for transplant, in once sense I cannot wait for that phone to ring. But I have been made fully aware of the complications and the good, the bad and the ugly sides of transplant. It a path that I don’t yet know and it fills me equally with both hope and trepidation
My kidney failure has been extremely slow. I first went into complete kidney failure 18 years ago. Initially I was told that once function is that low the odds of getting better are slim. But I did get better. I took particular care over my diet and for the first couple of years I wrote down everything I ate every day. I knew in particular how much protein I was eating and tried to be as disciplined as I could be with my diet. Binge drinking was stopped too, which was difficult as at 21 that was what all my friends were doing. I started doing yoga, as through yoga I could stay fit but in a gentle way, that wouldn’t push my body too much. I also made sure I drank lots of water, and drank the recommended 2 litres a day.
I knew I needed a focus that was positive and decided to take up photography. My Dad had been a keen photographer and so I picked up his old kit and started shooting away. I was hooked instantly, it is my go to when I am both happy and sad and has been a positive force in my life. The last thing I want to do is give up my business and so I am trying to find ways I can still earn money, but from behind a computer, which isn’t nearly as taxing on my body as a shoot. Believe me I will still photograph a few outdoor shoots, but I will only be taking on a select few now and preferably with my clients that I already have.